The need for behavior modification
unquestionably exists in a school setting, just as it exists in the home; it is
an inevitable role for faculty in addition to parents. What my husband and I
wish to know, specifically, is how a biblical worldview is taught as it relates
to the various aspects of the school day [i.e. not just via instruction of
academic subjects and in Chapel, but also in the way you help to steer &
mold how they perceive life & approach life-issues like rules,
responsibilities, emotions, relationships, conflict, sinful impulses, etc. as
they come up…on the playground, in the lunchroom, through prayer requests, in
relationships/communication with staff, in behavior modification
(incentives/correction/disciplinary methods), etc.] so that we can become more
confident about what sets private, Christian education apart from public
education. How well would the staff reinforce our efforts to teach children how
to understand & handle their sinful desires/emotions through a gospel
perspective so that the gospel may take root and their behavior & character
will then exemplify a heart that has been transformed by the gospel?
Here are some quotes from Ted
Tripp’s Shepherding a Child’s Heart: that portrays a biblical worldview
as it relates to correction & discipline.
“(When focusing our correction, rewards and punishments on
modifying behavior, instead of focusing on the heart that motivates behavior…) children
are not being trained to make ethical choices as responsible people living in
reverence for God. They are learning how to jump through your hoops and avoid
your displeasure. They learn to make choices based on expediency rather than
principle.” (p. 68)
“Biblical discipline addresses behavior through addressing the
heart. Remember, the heart determines behavior. If you address the heart
biblically, the behavior will be impacted.
“The expediency of dealing with behavior rather than the heart
means that deep needs within the child are ignored. You can’t respond to Suzie
yelling at Jimmy by simply telling her to stop yelling. The problem is not that
she is yelling at her brother. The problem is the anger and bitterness in her
heart that her yelling expresses. If you only try to change behavior, you are
missing the real issue–her heart. If you can successfully address the real
issue, the behavior problem will be solved.
“Superficial parenting (correction) that never addresses the heart
biblically produces superficial children who do not understand what makes them
tick. They must be trained to understand and interpret their behavior in terms
of heart motivation. If they never have that training, they will drift through
life, never understanding the internal struggles that lie beneath their most
consistent behavior.” (pgs. 66-67)
“If correction orbits around the parent (or person) who has been
offended, then the focus will be venting anger or, perhaps, taking vengeance.
The function is punitive. If, however, correction orbits around God as the one
offended, then the focus is restoration. The function is remedial. It is
designed to move a child who has disobeyed God back to the path of obedience.
It is corrective.” (p. 36)
Addressing children’s behavior
without addressing the condition of their hearts (which is what produces their
behavior), teaches moralism. It focuses on the outward actions of behavior and
not the sources (motivations) of that behavior; it focuses on the symptoms and
not the illness itself (our sinful nature). Godly character and obedient
behavior is the produced when you have a heart that has been taught the gospel
and transformed by the Spirit of God (Mk 7:21-23; Lk 6:45).
Mk 7:21-23, “For from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil
thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit,
lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside
and make a man ‘unclean.’”
Lk 6:45, “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”)
Lk 6:45, “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”)
Moral character and good behavior
can be the product of competent training with intentionality. However,
God-honoring character and behavior that glorifies God is the product of a
heart that has been taught taught the gospel and transformed by the Spirit of
God (Mk 7:21-23; Lk 6:45). Being obedient and portraying godly character does
not bring our children any closer to salvation and a right relationship with
God and can, in fact, bring them farther from him (like the Pharisees). Good
behavior can be learned with maturity, time & experience, but if not
steered & motivated by our love/fear of God it may only produce good
behavior that is motivated by pride, success, control, laziness, or other forms
of idolatry; giving a person an appearance of being godly, but being in
actuality depraved and destined for hell. This type of “good” behavior will
come & go and will vary in its presentation according to the desired
outcome in a given situation. However, “good” behavior that has been trained
and conditioned by self-control/self-discipline is the work of the Holy Spirit
& is not something a person is capable of instilling in kids. This is the
kind of heart-driven “good” behavior that is honoring to God and is motivated
by (and indicative of) a heart that loves/fears Him and has been transformed by
the gospel; it is the kind that will bear much fruit (II. Tim. 1:7; Gal.
5:22).
II. Tim. 1:7 "...for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of
power and love and self-control (self-discipline in NIV)."
The fruit of the Spirit is just that: evidence of the work of the
Spirit, not one’s own capability: “…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Gal. 5:22).
From
Shepherding a Child’s Heart:
“It (well behaved children) is a great secondary benefit of
biblical childrearing, but an unworthy goal in itself.” (p. 43)
“If your goal is well behaved kids, you are open to hundreds of
temptations to expediency (i.e. punishment/rewards, use of shame/guilt to
manipulation their emotions and sense of identity, bribery, etc.).” (p. 43)
“What has each of these approaches accomplished? It is hoped that
each has resulted in getting the kid to (obey) do his work. The question is
this: How can you move from any of these approaches to the precious,
life-giving truth that God sent his Son to set people free from sin? The above
approaches don’t lead to the message of the gospel. The heart is being trained
away from Christ and his cross. Character development is ignored. The emphasis
is on (obedience) getting homework done. Children are not being trained to make
ethical choices as responsible people living in reverence for God. They are
learning how to jump through your hoops and avoid your displeasure. They learn
to make choices based on expediency rather than principle.” (p. 68)
“They (the unbiblical methods used when the goal is expediency)
only address behavior. Hence, they miss the point of biblical discipline.
“Biblical discipline addresses behavior through addressing the
heart. Remember, the heart determines behavior. If you address the heart
biblically, the behavior will be impacted.
“The expediency of dealing with behavior rather than the heart
means that deep needs within the child are ignored. You can’t respond to Suzie
yelling at Jimmy by simply telling her to stop yelling. The problem is not that
she is yelling at her brother. The problem is the anger and bitterness in her
heart that her yelling expresses. If you only try to change behavior, you are
missing the real issue–her heart. If you can successfully address the real
issue, the behavior problem will be solved.
“Superficial parenting that never addresses the heart biblically
produces superficial children who do not understand what makes them tick. They
must be trained to understand and interpret their behavior in terms of heart
motivation. If they never have that training, they will drift through life,
never understanding the internal struggles that lie beneath their most
consistent behavior.
“Parenting that focuses only on behavior does address the heart.
The problem is that the heart is addressed wrongly. Changing behavior without
changing the heart trains the heart toward whatever you use as your means. If
it is reward, the heart is trained to respond to reward. If approbation, the
heart is trained to strive for approval, or to fear disapproval. When the
experts tell you that you must find what works with each child, they are saying
you must find the idols of the heart that will move each child.
“Your child is a covenantal creature. The heart is the well-spring of life. Addressing the child’s heart unbiblically plays to the corruption of his heart as an idolater and provides him with functional idols around which to organize his life.” (pgs. 66-67)
“Your child is a covenantal creature. The heart is the well-spring of life. Addressing the child’s heart unbiblically plays to the corruption of his heart as an idolater and provides him with functional idols around which to organize his life.” (pgs. 66-67)
When we teach children to choose
behavior based on external responses (favorable and unfavorable responses) to
their behavior, they learn how to manipulate the people and world around them
for the ultimate goal of serving and pleasing self–not God. On the other hand,
if we teach children to choose behavior that is based on: “good morals,” “being
polite,” “what is right,” “good manners,” or using Christian terminology:
“pleasing to God,” “respectful,” “loving of others,” “honoring to parents,”
they can become confused about what it is God desires from us (Mk 12:29-30; Mt
7:21-23) and begin to believe that their good works deserve God’s favor and
have earned them their salvation. Both of these examples may bring about the
good behavior we desire from them, but neither bring glory to God or benefit
their soul. The fact is, children ought to obey God simply because He is
worthy…because He is all-powerful and because He is love. We need to teach them
a proper fear of God because it is the fear of God that is the beginning of
knowledge (Pr 1:7). I do agree that teaching children what godly character and
obedient behavior looks like is important when taught in this context and for
these purposes: 1) to help our children realize their inability to meet God’s
perfect, godly standard and to recognize their need for a Savior and 2) to
teach them that obedience is one method by which they can worship God, express
love to Him, and thank Him for His gift of grace through Christ’s work on the
cross (Jn 14:15, 21; Jn 15:14; Rom 12:1-2; 2 Jn 1:6).
From Shepherding a Child’s Heart:
“If correction orbits around the parent (or person) who has been
offended, then the focus will be venting anger or, perhaps, taking vengeance.
The function is punitive. If, however, correction orbits around God as the one
offended, then the focus is restoration. The function is remedial. It is
designed to move a child who has disobeyed God back to the path of obedience.
It is corrective.” (p. 36)
“You want to see your child live a life that is embedded in the
rich soil of Christ’s gracious work. The focal point of your discipline and
correction must be your children seeing their utter inability to do the things
that God requires unless they know the help and strength of God. Your
correction must hold the standard of righteousness as high as God holds it.
God’s standard is correct behavior flowing from a heart that loves God and has
God’s glory as the sole purpose of life. …
“The alternative is to reduce the standard to what may be fairly
expected of your children without the grace of God. The alternative is to give
them a law they can keep. The alternative is a lesser standard that does not
require grace and does not cast them on Christ, but rather on their own
resources.
“Many parents get confused at this point. They realize their
children are unable to love others from the heart without salvation and new
birth. So they conclude that, since it is not possible, the standard must be
lowered. They set a standard that is in keeping with their children’s
resources.
“Dependence on their own resources moves them away from the cross.
It moves them away from any self-assessment that would force them to conclude
that they desperately need Jesus’ forgiveness and power.
“I have spoken to many parents who feared they were producing little hypocrites who were proud and self-righteous. Hypocrisy and self-righteousness is the result of giving children a keepable law and telling them to be good. To the extent they are successful, they become like the Pharisees, people whose exterior is clean, while inside they are full of dirt and filth. The genius of Phariseeism was that it reduced the law to a keepable standard of externals that any self-disciplined person could do. In their pride and self-righteousness, they rejected Christ.
“Correction and shepherding must focus on Christ. It is only in Christ that the child who has strayed and has experienced conviction of sin may find hope, forgiveness, salvation, and power to live.” (pgs. 120-121)
“I have spoken to many parents who feared they were producing little hypocrites who were proud and self-righteous. Hypocrisy and self-righteousness is the result of giving children a keepable law and telling them to be good. To the extent they are successful, they become like the Pharisees, people whose exterior is clean, while inside they are full of dirt and filth. The genius of Phariseeism was that it reduced the law to a keepable standard of externals that any self-disciplined person could do. In their pride and self-righteousness, they rejected Christ.
“Correction and shepherding must focus on Christ. It is only in Christ that the child who has strayed and has experienced conviction of sin may find hope, forgiveness, salvation, and power to live.” (pgs. 120-121)
No comments:
Post a Comment