A Reflection on Prayer - In Time of Need

I had been told Tad had a heart attack, and they took him away to do an exploratory heart catheterization to see the extent of what was happening. 

In a moment alone (in a waiting room full of people, but...alone in the sense I wasn't talking to anyone at the moment), I began to cry out to the Lord, unable to say much more than His name. 

I know that God's Spirit, our Intercessor, interprets my tears; He understands the extent of my emotions sooner and more completely than I even can (Rom 8:26-28; Mt 6:8). Because of this, I can go to Him in prayer and just rest - rest and release the grief and fear in my heart - rest in the security of his companionship. Just being with Him, in this way, is a form of prayer.

I found myself acutely aware of God's omniscience and omnipotence, His sovereignty and foreknowledge, His eternity and eternal plan, His goodness and love...knowing He was in complete control over what was happening to Tad and that He was allowing it and that it was all part of God's plan. 

I also found myself remembering Job, knowing that God is the One with the control, that He might allow Satan to have his way for a while, but only to the extent that He allows it and only in the ways He allows it (Job 1:12). All these things brought me peace.

But while I had peace, there was also the grief and anxiety of not knowing whether God's plan was to extend Tad's life on earth or to take him to his eternal home. 

These words of Jesus came to mind, ‘"And he said, ‘Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will’” (Mark 14:36). 

So I thought... Even Jesus, 

who knew exactly what needed to happen 

and what was going to happen, 

He still expressed the desire of His heart 

to God ("Remove this cup from me"). 

Before (& while) submitting the will of His flesh to the will of His Father, EVEN JESUS expressed the desire of His heart to God, even though He knew that God already knew the desire of His heart. 

So I pleaded with God and put to words the desires of my heart, knowing that for Tad to be taken home would be the greatest blessing for Tad. 

I shared my desires with God, even though I knew the desires of my heart are both loving and selfish, pure and fearful (Jer 17:9). But He who created me understands me and knows me inside & out (Ps 139). In my vulnerability and desperation, I know I can freely and openly share my whole heart (the good, the bad & the ugly) with God who knows me completely and loves me anyway. Hebrews 4:16 says, "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Ezra update 1/8/15

Hi!

 

I hope this email finds you well & enjoying this start to 2015.

 

Yesterday we met with neurosurgeon, Dr. Tye, at CHKD.  He was great. For those of you who are interested in the details, here is what we discussed:

 

1)    We learned that Ezra’s syrinx (the reason for seeing Dr. Tye) is relatively small and not warranting surgery…yet. Because of its location, the spinal cord surrounding the syrinx is considerably thick, increasing the risks of surgery to insert a shunt, so we appreciate Dr. Tye’s vigilance. We’ll do an MRI in 6-9 months to see if it has grown larger and will be watching for neurological changes.

 

2)    During physical examination, Ezra’s reflexes in his left knee were asymmetric as compared to his right knee (his right leg kicked but his left didn’t react at all). We’ve seen other signs of asymmetry between his left & right sides over time, both in daily life as well as during physical examination by the different doctors he’s seen, but this one was new.

 

3)    We learned that Ezra’s MRI also detected a lipoma in his spinal cord. According to one website:

A spinal cord lipoma is a fatty mass or tumor within the spinal cord that may or may not be associated with Spina Bifida. …It often occurs in a normally positioned cord without any skin or bony abnormalities.

Ezra’s spinal cord was in the correct, normal position (“it came down as far as it should” for his age). There was no indication whatsoever on the MRI of a tethered cord, but we were told that only opening him up could completely rule that out. The lipoma is very narrow and runs vertically inside his spinal cord.

 

Dr. Tye explained that none of these 3 factors, alone, would warrant surgical intervention. However, the fact that he has all 3 going on means surgery is something to consider – not for the syrinx (yet) but in order to snip the lipoma. (It would be a 3-4 day hospitalization/sedation.)

 

Prior to our visit, Dr. Tye reviewed Ezra’s case with one of the other neurosurgeons who agreed that surgery would be warranted if Ezra’s lower extremities are undeniably affected. Unfortunately, there is no way to know if the syrinx and/or the lipoma are what is causing the symptoms present in his legs/achilles/feet. In fact, Dr. Tye and the neurologist, Dr. Teasley, both acknowledge that there is something else contributing (possibly genetic) that has not yet been identified. Therefore, there is also no guarantee that surgery on the lipoma (or the syrinx, for that matter) will eliminate the symptoms. The other thing to consider is that damage to the bladder and/or spinal cord is irreversible, so this relatively low-risk surgery may be worth it for preventative measures.

 

This brings me to our next step. Ezra will see a Urologist for testing to determine if his bladder is already being affected. Dr. Tye’s next step is to consult with Dr. Teasley again, now that he has examined Ezra. Dr. Tye expects that Dr. Teasley’s perspective and the urologist’s findings will help us decide if we should proceed with surgery.

 

We are still waiting for the most recent genetic blood test (Microcephaly panel) results to come back and will be seeing a new geneticist on January 27^th.

 

In other news…

 

Ezra says Hi, Hello and How Are You to everyone he sees (repeatedly), enjoys having conversations in a whisper, enjoys communicating with us using the sign language he is learning, loves songs & singing along, and reads words as they appear on his dvds before they are said aloud. He delights us and surprises us all the time with his humor, understanding and knowledge.

 

Written about the Ezra in the Bible, Ezra 7:6 says, “…for the hand of the LORD his God was on him.” May God’s all-powerful, healing hand be on our Ezra.

 

Be blessed this new year!

 

Love,

Wendy, on behalf of Team Sellers J