“Love means never having to say you’re
sorry.”
On the contrary, we see clearly in
scripture, countless times, that we are called to repent, to confess our
faults, to ask for forgiveness, to seek reconciliation, to model Jesus’
exemplary prayer: “forgive us our debts…”
“Love means forgiving and forgetting, so I
don’t need to confront the issue or set up boundaries to avoid being in an
emotionally or physically dangerous situation again.”
Eph 5:8-11 “For you were once
darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the
fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find
out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing
to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”
Rom 12:18 “If possible, so
far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
It is not
loving to sit by while your child continues to do something that is hurting
them and could potentially end their life. It does not help a person if
you keep quiet while they do or say things that hurt you. Doing so would only
enable them to continue the sinful pattern, to develop a habit of treating you
(& eventually others) that way, it will eventually destroy many
relationships in their life, and will eventually lead to their death and
eternal separation from God: “Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path;
he who hates correction will die” (Prov. 15:10). If you love someone, you will
want to show the the way to life. “We love because he first loved us”(Rom 2:4).
Christ died for us while we were still sinners; it is his kindness that leads
us to repentance(I. John 4:19. Rom 5:8). To
share the gospel is to confront the issue of sinfulness. You can forgive a
person while at the same time making it clear that what they done was wrong.
Healing can be found when we confess our sins to each other and pray for each
other (James 5:16; Mt 5:44).
The law
(commandments) were given to differentiate righteousness from unrighteousness
and to show us our need for a Savior, Jesus.
Jesus came to fulfill the law by sacrificing his life, thus forgiving us
for our sin, as well as to live the sinless life the law requires, since we are
unable. Biblically, we, too, are to
stand out as different (holy) amongst a sinful, depraved, lost generation (Eph
5:8-11), to be a light in the darkness, to differentiate sin from holiness for
the sake of unbelievers (Mt 5:13-16), and to be “ministers of reconciliation”
(II Cor 5). Our sin separates us from
God, causing us to be unreconciled with God.
Jesus died for us that we may become reconciled to Himself.
“Sex is called “making love”…
…even if the two people are not in love,
…even if they barely know each other but
are strongly attracted to each other,
…even if the couple is in love but is motivated by selfishness during intercourse.”
…even if the couple is in love but is motivated by selfishness during intercourse.”
We’re
told to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…” When you’re not feeling loving feelings
towards an enemy, how can you love them?
A feeling of love enables us to act in a loving way toward those who
hold our affection. But when it comes to our enemies, is it not a decision we
have to make (as opposed to a feeling) that enables us to act in a loving way
toward them? It’s an action, a decision
to act (not a feeling) that compels us to have a googley-eyed awe of our
beloved.
“Love your neighbor as
yourself.” What if we don’t feel love
for our neighbor? We’re still commanded
to love them in action. We may not
always feel like loving our husbands
by having sex with them, but we are called to act in love toward them. We
are instructed to love our spouse as our own bodies, as we become one flesh
when we get married. Our willingness to have sex, even when we’re not
interested, is a way of “making love” because we are making ourselves sacrificially love our spouse through
the action of having sex.
“Marriage is going to be the end of my
troubles…peaceful, easy & wonderful…all the time.”
I. Cor 7:28 “But those who marry will face many troubles in
this life, and I want to spare you this.”
It is not true that a healthy marriage is one where conflict
is never present. Conflict, misunderstandings, miscommunication, etc. are a
normal, natural, inevitable part of even the healthiest marriage. The marriage
where conflict never happens is one that has a huge wall of resentment and
hurts that has been building over time, or has 2 people who are in denial, or
has 2 people who’s time and priorities are on something else and they are
merely roommates who avoid interaction with each other. The trick is not to
have a conflict-free marriage, but to have healthy, biblical
conflict-management skills in order to correctly handle conflict when it arises
in a godly way.
“It’s good to wear immodest clothes if it’s
for your husband’s pleasure.”
It’s not loving to other men
because it temps them to lust and it defies verses like the ones below. It’s
not loving to other wives because we could be causing their husbands to stumble
into sin or causing them to have to work extra hard to avoid looking. It’s not
loving to other women because it misguides them on what defines true beauty and
on what provides us with an accurate concept of our identity and value and
worth.
I Pet 3:1-6 “Wives,
in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not
believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their
wives, when they see the purity and
reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward
adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine
clothes. Instead, it should be that of
your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which
is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the
past who put their hope in God
used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham
and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”
I Tim 2:9-12 “I also
want women to dress modestly, with
decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or
expensive clothes, but with good deeds,
appropriate for women who profess to worship God.
“If you’re not “in love” anymore, you
should/could get divorced”.
Love is not just an emotion, but
is also an action – a verb. To love someone is to treat them with love, whether
we’re feeling loving feelings for them at that moment, or not.
Malachi 2:16 ~ “’I
hate divorce,’ says the LORD God of Israel
Psalm
15 ~ “LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart, and has
no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on
his fellowman, who despises a vile man but
honors those who fear the LORD, who keeps his oath even when it hurts, who
lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things will never be shaken.”
Numbers 30:2 ~ “When a man
makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he
must not break his word but must do everything he said.”
I Cor 7:10-11 “To the
married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate
from her husband. But if she
does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a
husband must not divorce his wife.”
Eccl 5:4-5 “So when
you make a promise to God, don't delay in following through, for God takes no
pleasure in fools. Keep all the promises you make to him. It is better to say
nothing than to promise something that you don't follow through on.”
Mt 5:33-37 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by
Mt 19:”9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except
for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery."
Romans 7:2-4 NIV “For
example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is
alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So
then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is
called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that
law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.
I Corinthians 7:12…28
“To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who
is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is
willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the
unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving
wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children
would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves,
let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such
circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you
know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband,
whether you will save your wife? Nevertheless, each one should retain the place
in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him…Keeping
God's commands is what counts. 20Each one should remain in the
situation which he was in when God called him.
24Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in
the situation God called him to. 27Are you married? Do not seek a
divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do
marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But
those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you
this.”
“There’s no reason I shouldn’t get remarried
if I’m divorced..”
Mt 5:31-32 “It has
been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of
divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital
unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries
the divorced woman commits adultery.”
I Cor 7:10-11 “To the
married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate
from her husband. But if
she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.
And a husband must not divorce his wife.”
Mark 10:1-12 “Jesus
then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan
Matthew 19:3-9 (same as Mt
5:31-32, Mk 10:2-9, Lk 16:18) “Some
Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to
divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read,"
he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and
female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and
be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ? So they are no
longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not
separate." "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that
a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus
replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts
were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone
who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries
another woman commits adultery.”
Deut 24:1-4 “If a man marries a woman who becomes
displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he
writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his
house, and if after she leaves his house
she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and
writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his
house, or if he dies, then her
first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after
she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD.
Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an
inheritance.
I. Cor 7:15 “…But
if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not
bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.”
“It’s okay to not marry the person I’ve had
premarital sex with.”
This is
debatable. There are two ways of looking at this issue. On the one hand there
are these two verses:
Ex 22:16-17 “"If a man seduces a virgin who is
not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and
she shall be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he
must still pay the bride-price for virgins.”
Mk 10:7-9
“'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united
to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but
one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
On the other
hand, once a person is convicted of an area of sin and repents (meaning that he
or she confesses the sin and determines to go and sin no more, turning from
that sin and pursuing a righteous, God-honoring path) then one could argue that
ending the relationship (or at least the sexual element of the relationship) is
obedient and honoring to God.
What does the Bible say about how we are
to love our husbands? (in bold)
- to be a
helper to my husband (Gen 2:18)
- to give
thought to the way of life (think before acting, unlike the adulterous
woman) (Prov 5:6)
- to
satisfy my husband with my breasts always, and be captivating with my love
(Prov 5:19)
- to be a
kindhearted woman who gains respect (Prov 11:16)
- to not be a woman who shows no discretion (like a
gold ring in a pig’s shout) (Prov 11:22)
- to have
a noble character & thus be my husband's crown…to not be a disgraceful
wife & thus be decay in his bones (Prov 12:4)
- to be a
wise woman who builds my house, not a foolish one who tears it down (Prov
14:1)
- to be a
prudent wife (Prov 19:14)
- to not
be a quarrelsome wife which is like a constant dripping on a rainy
day…less desirous to share a house with than to live on a corner of a
roof; worse to live with than to live in a desert (Prov 19:13; 21:9;
21:19; 25:24; 27:15)
- to have a noble character (the kind that is rare)
(Prov. 31:10-31)
- to earn the confidence & respect of my
husband (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to be worthy of my husband’s trust (Prov.
31:10-31)
- to provide what is needed for my husband (Prov.
31:10-31)
- to never publicly disrespect, slander, or harm
him (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to do him good (benefit him) consistently (Prov.
31:10-31)
- to uphold his name & honor him in public (to
others) (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to be a hard worker, not lazy (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to be a hard worker, eager, not reluctant to work
(Prov. 31:10-31)
- to provide food for my family & anyone who
helps me or works for me (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to go the extra mile to provide not just what is
necessary, but what is desirable/beneficial (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to not love sleep but “get up while it is still
dark” & see that “her lamp does not go out at night” (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to go above and beyond what is expected (Prov.
31:10-31)
- to consider what’s profitable for my family and
then invests in it (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to not be impulsive
(& not spend money impulsively), but think through things before
acting (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to use my income to
invest my money into things that will turn my money into more money
instead of spending it on myself (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to evaluate my work
& to be smart about investments (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to work hard & long to get things done (Prov.
31:10-31)
- to care for my family, then also care for &
help others (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to be generous &
merciful to others (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to rest in knowing I’ve provided for my family
(Prov. 31:10-31)
- to respect my appearance, & not be sloppy
(Prov. 31:10-31)
- to be the kind of wife & lead the kind of
home that makes my husband respected & trusted by others (Prov.
31:10-31)
- to “sew” for my fam
…and extra, to make money (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to be strong & dignified (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to trust God for the
future, & to not be burdened by things not under my control but find
peace in God’s control; to have a sense of humor (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to speak with wisdom and offer faithful
instruction (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to govern my fam, & not be neglectful or lazy
about it (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to have a thankful, humble spirit, & not complain
(Prov. 31:10-31)
- to live in a manner
that is worthy of respect by my children when they’ve grown (Prov.
31:10-31)
- to be respected by my husband & with actions
that provoke his praise (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to not seek charm or beauty as the end-all-be-all
but recognize it is fleeting; and to instead seek to honor the Lord
because I fear him (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to have the fear of God
as my motivation (Prov. 31:10-31)
- to do good works that
are deserving of praise & reward (Prov. 31:10-31)
- for
public praise to not be my goal/motive
but a result of my actions/character (Pr. 31:10-31)
- to support ministry from my own means? (Luke
8:1-3)
- to
treat my husband as my head, as the head of Christ is God (1 Cor 11:3-12)
- to be
the glory of my husband (as my husband is the image and glory of God)
since I was created for him (1 Cor 11:3-12)
- to not
be independent of my husband (as he is not independent of me) (1 Cor
11:3-12)
- to
remain silent in the church…to not speak but be in submission…if wishing
to inquire about something, to ask my husband at home and thus not
disgrace him by speaking in the church (I Cor 14:34-35)
- to
submit to my husband as to the Lord. (since he is head of his wife as
Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
(Eph 5:22-24)
- to
submit to my husband in everything as the church submits to Christ (Eph
5:22-24)
- to
respect my husband (Eph 5:33)
- to
submit to my husband, as is fitting in the Lord (
- to dress modestly, with
decency and propriety, not with
braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes (1 Tim. 2:9-12)
- to dress with good deeds,
(appropriate for women who profess to worship God)(1Tim 2:9-12)
- to learn in quietness and full submission (1 Tim.
2:9-12)
- not to teach or to have authority over a man; but to be silent (1 Tim. 2:9-12)
- to be
worthy of respect, not a malicious talker, but temperate and trustworthy
in everything (1 Tim 3:11)
- to treat older women as mothers, and younger
women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Timothy 5:1-15)
- to put my religion into practice by caring for my
own family and so repaying my parents and grandparents, for this is
pleasing to God. (1 Tim 5:1-15)
- to
provide for my relatives, and especially for my immediate family, (if I do
not, I have denied the faith and am worse than an unbeliever.) (1 Tim
5:1-15)
- to be
faithful to my husband (1 Tim 5:1-15)
- to be well known for my good deeds, such as… (1
Tim 5:1-15)
- to bring up children (1 Tim 5:1-15)
- to show hospitality (1 Tim 5:1-15)
- to wash the feet of the saints (1 Tim 5:1-15)
- to help those in trouble (1 Tim 5:1-15)
- to devote myself to all kinds of good deeds. (1 Tim 5:1-15)
- to
remain dedicated to Christ and do not break my first pledge (to Christ) (1
Tim 5:1-15)
- to not get into the habit of being idle and going
about from house to house (1 Tim 5:1-15)
- to not be a gossip or busybody, saying things I
ought not to (1 Tim 5:1-15)
- to marry, to have children… (1 Tim 5:1-15)
- to
manage my home and give the enemy no opportunity for slander (1 Tim
5:14-15)
- to be reverent in the way I live…so that no one
will malign/revile the word of God (Tit 2:3-5)
- not to be a slanderer …so that no one will malign/revile the word of God (Tit 2:3-5)
- not to be addicted to much wine…so that no one will malign/revile the
word of God (Tit 2:3-5)
- to teach what is good…so
that no one will malign/revile the word of God (Tit 2:3-5)
- as an older woman is: to train young women (Tit 2:3-5)
- to love my husband and children…so that no one
will malign/revile the word of God (Tit
2:3-5)
- to be self-controlled
and pure…so that no one will malign/revile the word of God (Tit 2:3-5)
- as a young woman is: to be busy at home…so that
no one will malign/revile the word of God (Tit 2:3-5)
- to be kind…so that no one will malign/revile the
word of God (Tit 2:3-5)
- to be subject to my husband…so that no one will
malign/revile the word of God (Tit 2:3-5)
- to be
submissive to my husband (so that, if he does not believe the word, he may
be won over without words by my behavior, when he sees the purity and reverence of your
life.) (1 Pet 3:1-6)
- to live a pure &
reverent life (with behavior that
speaks louder than words) (1 Pet 3:1-6)
- to not seek beauty from outward adornment, such
as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes (1 Pet
3:1-6)
- to have
beauty that comes from my inner self, the unfading beauty of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight (1
Pet 3:1-6)
- to put my hope in God (for this is the way the holy women of the
past…used to make themselves beautiful) (1 Pet 3:1-6)
- to be submissive to my own husband, (like
Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her
daughters if you do what is right & do not give way to fear)(1Pet
3:1-6)
- to do what is right (like Sarah, who obeyed
Abraham) (1 Pet 3:1-6)
- to not give way to fear (like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham) (1 Pet 3:1-6)
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