Miscarriage.
The word bugs me. The prefix "mis-" means: wrong, wrongly, incorrectly, bad, ill, mistaken, erroneous, lack of, negating. Seems to me to imply that I've done something wrong. I miscarried; I did not "mis"-carry my baby. I did not make a "mis"-take in the way that I went about pregnancy. No life was created by mistake. No life is a surprise to God, the Giver of life. God gives life to those whom He choses.
In cases where a mistake might have been made - unknowingly or beyond our control - it is still God who gives...and who takes away. A life will end only when the number of days which God pre-ordained for a person's life have run their course.
The word bugs me. The prefix "mis-" means: wrong, wrongly, incorrectly, bad, ill, mistaken, erroneous, lack of, negating. Seems to me to imply that I've done something wrong. I miscarried; I did not "mis"-carry my baby. I did not make a "mis"-take in the way that I went about pregnancy. No life was created by mistake. No life is a surprise to God, the Giver of life. God gives life to those whom He choses.
In cases where a mistake might have been made - unknowingly or beyond our control - it is still God who gives...and who takes away. A life will end only when the number of days which God pre-ordained for a person's life have run their course.
What's worse: Spontaneous abortion.
Both terms rub me wrong.
Someone, please come up with a name that means: Purpose was Fulfilled In Utero
Psalm 139:15-16 “My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
The purpose God had for this little baby’s life was accomplished in the short time it lived inside the womb. That was the exact amount of time God ordained and purposed for this baby to live.
All of our children (and our husband) are merely on “loan” to us from God; they belong to Him. We have no idea how long they are on loan to us. God decided (chose) the number of days He ordained for them to live before they were even conceived. I want to be as willing as Abraham (with Isaac) and Hannah (with Samuel) to give my children (and all my loved ones) back to God (Genesis 22). Are they ever really "mine" anyway? I want to remember that they belong to God, not to me.
The term, "expecting," makes a lot of sense when you think of it in the context of coping with a miscarriage. Any time we are expecting something desirous and it doesn't happen, we experience disappointment. When it comes to expecting the birth of a son or daughter (if the gender is discovered inutero), the expectation is magnified exponentially and is wrapped up in emotions and love and bonds created by the intimacy and sacrifice of pregnancy (& related sickness), and the disappointment can result in utter heartbreak.
The phrases, "We're having a baby!" and "We're going to have a baby!" on the other hand, make me almost cringe and want to correct the person saying it. Can we really proclaim anything more than, "We're pregnant!"? Pregnancy does not promise us anything more than a baby in the womb. At the point when we find out we are pregnant, we do not know if (nor are we promised) the pregnancy will end in a viable birth. (Experiencing a life growing inside your womb is a gift, nonetheless.)
What we do know is that God determines the number of a person's days. We know he is the Giver of life and that He determines the "allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place" for each soul He creates. And we know He does this for a good purpose - so that we might seek God and find Him:
Acts 17:24-28 "The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for
“‘In him we live and move and have our being’;
as even some of your own poets have said,“‘For we are indeed his offspring.’"
I once heard about an elderly woman who's ministry was to visit sick children in hospitals, especially burn victims, to pray with them for healing. She would tell them that if they get better it's because God loves them. What a great ministry she had, but, man, did she have it wrong! When someone isn't healed or is healed, whether "bad" things happen or "good" things happen, God is still the same God. God is love. He loves the world so much that He gave His only Son... (Jn 3:16). What about those children who weren't healed after she prayed? Were they left to conclude anything other than, "God must not love me"? How misleading! God is still good whether good things happen OR bad things happen. God is in control and works everything together for his good purposes (Romans 8:28). All things fit into the big picture - God's plan to restore and reconcile His people unto Himself by way of His Son, Jesus. If only we could wear a pair of glasses that could enable us to perceive our trials and all of life through God's eternal perspective and gain understanding to help us cope.
Yet, despite not owning such a set of glasses, God is mysteriously able to fill us with peace through this spiritual perspective. And we get to remind each other of His eternal plan and His omnipotence.
I always take comfort in the fact that I can't figure Him out completely - it keeps Him in the place of God and me in my place of humility and respect, fear and reverence, and awe.
My miscarriage reminded me that death entered the world because of sin (Romans 5:12). Sin is to blame. We, sinners, brought death into this world. Before sin, we were created to live forever (no death), to remain married to our husbands for eternity (no widowing), and for every new life to go on to live life forever (no miscarriages). My prayer was that God would use our baby's short life for His glory and that others would be encouraged toward a stronger faith in God because of our experience. Our desire was to be obedient to the scripture that says to be thankful in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Sometimes it seems like its easier for me to trust that God is in control (and that His will is done) in the bigger things because I can more easily recognize that I have absolutely no control over it. Our lack of control over our miscarriage gave us assurance that we were right in the middle of God’s will. It happened because of God’s providence and sovereignty. It was all a part of His big-picture plan. He has eternal purposes for everything that He does and everything He allows to happen. To Him be the glory.
