Principles for Handling Conflict - Outline
4 verses each:
PRINCIPLE 1: PRAY
PRINCIPLE 2: HUMILITY/CONFESSION:
Examine your own sin before accusing others
PRINCIPLE 3: ASK: AM I SERVING GOD OR
MYSELF?
PRINCIPLE 4: BE A PEACEMAKER (part 1)
PRINCIPLE 4: BE A PEACEMAKER (part 2)
3 verses each:
PRINCIPLE 5: EXTEND GRACE, MERCY,
and FORGIVENESS
PRINCIPLE 6: DO NOT TAKE VENGEANCE
PRINCIPLE 7: ADMONISH (GENTLE
CORRECTION)
PRINCIPLE 8: GET HELP
PRINCIPLE 1: PRAY
Mt 5:43-46 But
I say to you, Love your enemies & pray for those who persecute you…
1 Tim 2:8 Pray,
lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling…
Php 4:6 in
everything by prayer and petition…
Pr 3:5-8 In
all your ways acknowledge Him….
PRINCIPLE 2: Humility/Confession: EXAMINE YOUR OWN SIN BEFORE ACCUSING OTHERS
Mt 7:1-5 First
take the log out of your own eye…
Jas 4:6b-10 God
opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble…
Jas 5:16 Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another…
1
Pet 5:5b-11 Clothe
yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another…
PRINCIPLE 3: CHECK MY MOTIVES: AM I SERVING GOD OR MYSELF?
Ex 20:3 You
shall have no other gods before me
Josh 24:14-19 Choose
this day whom you will serve…
Mt 6:24 No
one can serve two masters...
James 4:3 You
ask and do not receive because…
PRINCIPLE 4: BE A PEACEMAKER (part 1)
Pr 17:9 Whoever
covers an offense…
Mt 5:9 Blessed
are the peacemakers…
Mt 7:12 So
whatever you wish that others would do to you…
Mk 12:31 Love your neighbor as yourself…
PRINCIPLE 5: BE A PEACEMAKER (part 2)
1 Cor 13:5 Love…does
not insist on its own way
Eph 5:21 Submit…
Eph 4:26 Be
angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down…
2 Tim 2:23-27 Have nothing to do with foolish,
ignorant controversies…
PRINCIPLE 6: EXTEND GRACE, MERCY, and FORGIVENESS
Mt 6:14-15 For
if you forgive others
Mt 18:33-35 Should
not you have had mercy…as I had mercy on you?...
Eph 4:29-32 Let no corrupting talk…
PRINCIPLE 7: DO NOT TAKE VENGEANCE
Pr 17:13-14 If
anyone returns evil for good…
Rom 12:9-16 Let
love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good…
Rom 12:16-21 Live in harmony with one another…
PRINCIPLE 8: ADMONISH (GENTLE CORRECTION)
Mt 18:15 If
he listens to you, you have gained your brother…
Gal 6:1-2 Restore
him in a spirit of gentleness...
Jas 5:19-20 If
anyone among you wanders from the truth…
PRINCIPLE
9: GET HELP
Dt. 19:15-19 Only
on the evidence of 2 witnesses or of 3 witnesses shall a charge be established…
Mt 18:16 But
if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you…
Eph 5:8-11 Have nothing to do with
the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them…
PRINCIPLE 10: DELIVER HIM/HER OVER TO THE JUDGE
Mt 18:17 If
he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church…
2 Thess 3:13-15 Do
not grow weary in doing good…
Principles
for Handling Conflict
PRINCIPLE 1: PRAY
Mt 5:43-46 “You
have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your
enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute
you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his
sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the
unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not
even the tax collectors do the same?
1 Tim 2:8 “I desire
then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger
or quarreling…”
Php 4:6 “…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
Pr 3:5-8 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your
paths. Be not
wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your
flesh and refreshment to your
bones.”
PRINCIPLE 2: Humility/Confession: EXAMINE YOUR OWN SIN BEFORE ACCUSING OTHERS
Mt 7:1-5 “Judge not,
that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged,
and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the
speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your
own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of
your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and
then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.”
Jas 4:6b-10
“Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from
you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you
sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and
weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble
yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”
Jas 5:16 “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one
another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great
power as it is working.”
1 Pet 5:5b-11 “Clothe yourselves,
all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but
gives grace to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty
hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your
anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your
adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to
devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of
suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And
after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called
you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen,
and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
PRINCIPLE 3: CHECK MY
MOTIVES: AM I SERVING GOD OR MYSELF?
Ex 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before
me.”
Josh 24:14-19 (Joshua told the people) “Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Then the people answered, “Far be it from us that we should forsake the Lord to serve other gods, for it is the Lord our God who brought us and our fathers up from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, and who did those great signs in our sight and preserved us in all the way that we went, and among all the peoples through whom we passed. And the Lord drove out before us all the peoples, the Amorites who lived in the land. Therefore we also will serve the Lord, for he is our God.”
Mt 6:24 “No one can serve two masters, for either he
will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and
despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”
James 4:3 “You ask and do not receive, because you
ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”
PRINCIPLE 4: BE A PEACEMAKER (part 1)
Pr 17:9 “Whoever
covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close
friends.
Mt 5:9 “Blessed
are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”
Mt 7:12 “So whatever
you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and
the Prophets.”
Mk 12:31 “The second
(greatest commandment) is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
There is no other commandment greater than these.”
1 Cor 13:5
“love…does not insist on its own way.”
Eph 5:21 “…submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Eph 4:26 “Be
angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give
no opportunity to the devil.”
2 Tim 2:23-27 “Have
nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they
breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome
but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring
evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant
them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may
come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being
captured by him to do his will.”
PRINCIPLE 5: BE A PEACEMAKER (part 2)
1 Cor 13:5 “…It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…”
Eph 5:21 “…submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Eph 4:26 “Be angry and do
not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger…”
2 Tim 2:23-27 “Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will."
PRINCIPLE 6: EXTEND GRACE, MERCY, AND FORGIVENESS
Pr 17:9 “Whoever
covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close
friends.
Mt 6:14-15 “For if
you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive
you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your
Father forgive your trespasses.”
Mt 18:33-35 “And
should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’
34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should
pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of
you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Eph 4:29-32 “Let no corrupting talk come out of
your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion,
that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy
Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all
bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you,
along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one
another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
PRINCIPLE 7: DO NOT TAKE VENGEANCE
Pr 17:13-14 “If
anyone returns evil for good, evil will not depart from his
house. The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit
before the quarrel breaks out.”
Rom 12:9-16 “Let
love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one
another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be
slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be
patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the
saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless
and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who
weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate
with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.”
Rom 12:17-21 “Repay
no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of
all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is
written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ To the contrary, ‘if
your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for
by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by
evil, but overcome evil with good.”
PRINCIPLE 8: ADMONISH (GENTLE CORRECTION)
Mt 18:15 “If your
brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.
If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Gal 6:1-2 “Brothers,
if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore
him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
Jas 5:19-20 “My
brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him
back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will
save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”
PRINCIPLE 9: GET HELP
Dt. 19:15-19 “A
single witness shall not suffice against a person for any crime or for any
wrong in connection with any offense that he has committed. Only on the
evidence of two witnesses or of three witnesses shall a charge be
established. If a malicious witness arises to accuse a person of
wrongdoing, then both parties to the dispute shall appear before the Lord,
before the priests and the judges who are in office in those days. The judges
shall inquire diligently, and if the witness is a false witness and has accused
his brother falsely, then you shall do to him as he had meant to do to his
brother. So you shall purge the evil from your midst.”
Mt 18:16 “But
if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge
may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.”
Eph 5:8-11 “For you
were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of
light (for the fruit
of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out
what
pleases the Lord.
Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose
them.”
PRINCIPLE 10 : DELIVER HIM/HER OVER TO THE JUDGE
Mt 18:17 “If he
refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen
even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
2 Thess 3:13-15 “As
for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good. If anyone does not
obey what we say in
this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he
may be ashamed. Do
not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.”
Titus 3:9-11 “But
avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about
the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. Warn a divisive person
once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him.
You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.”
