1. Do you try to be heard more than you try to
listen? (Vs. Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry... Jas 1:19)
2. Do you acknowledge the point he’s trying to
make or just keep trying to make sure he’s understanding you’re point. (I
subconsciously believe if he’ll just listen to & understand my point, he’ll
agree with me & the problem will be solved.) (Lk 6:31)
3. When talking through an issue, if you realize
he’s right & that your perspectives or actions were wrong can you admit it?
(Jas 5:16)
4. Do you focus your energy & thoughts on
confronting him on his faults or sins or do you focus on your short-comings
& sins & spend your time confessing instead of confronting? (Mt 7:1-5)
5. Are you determined to be a couple that never
fights? Or are you determined to fight (fight clean, but fight nonetheless) to
maintain unity & intimacy? (Rom 12:18)
6. Working through an issue/conflict is exactly
that: work. Are you not only willing but determined to do the work of resolving
conflict in your relationship? (Rom 12:18)
·
Even if it takes
trying to explain yourself over & over again?
·
Even if it takes
trying to figure out another way to explain your perspective?
·
Even if it takes
the embarrassment of stepping into a separate room to discuss it, if you’re
with other people?
·
Even if it takes
bringing it back up once you’re no longer in public & the heat of the
moment has settled down & you’re tempted to just let it lie?
·
Even if it takes
asking another couple to listen to you talk through it so they can offer an
outsider’s perspective on why you’re not hearing each other or why you can’t
seem to resolve it.
7. Do you react to his sinful tones, facial
expressions, implied accusations, etc. and respond with defensiveness? (Pr
15:1; Eph 4:2)
8. Do you perceive his contradictory,
conflicting perspective/opinion as God using him to challenge you on yours?
(Jas 1:2-6)
9. When there are things you wish were different
about your husband, is your first instinct to take it to God and commit to
praying about it, not only praying that God will convict him where there is sin
and lead him so that he can lead you, but also praying that God will convict
you if your perspective is wrong or if there is some sin on your part that is
contributing to the issue? (Php 4:11-12; Heb 13)
10. Do you point out his non-biblical
perspective/opinions and confront him with his sin with kindness, patience
& gentleness? (Gal 6:1; 2 Tim 2:22-26)
11. Do you take the road of humility (concede
& submit & cover over offenses & forgive & serve) because it
honors God …or so that he’ll think highly of you or so that he’ll do it
(concede, etc.), too? (Heb 4:12)
12. Are you holding onto past frustrations in the
form of unforgiveness/bitterness or are you extending the same grace Christ has
extended to you & allowing room for him to learn from his mistakes &
grow, recognizing that change, new habits, sanctification, etc. takes time? (Mk
11:25; Lk 6:37; 2 Cor 2:5-11; Col
13. Do you have false expectations of him, wishing
he knew what you want him to say or do without you telling him? Even though it
may seem to take the romance out of it, you can’t expect him to know without
you telling him, and maybe not just once. Rather than being repeatedly
frustrated by expectations you have of him, tell him what you desire or need in
a given situation. (Rom 12:18) Examples:
·
Do
you find yourself feeling hurt or frustrated that he never surprises you with a
random gift or flowers…for no reason but just because he loves you.
·
Do you
find yourself repeatedly frustrated by the role he takes when you express
emotions or conflict (relating to him or anyone else) by trying to solve it and
not just listening, or by listening but not offering feedback & dialoging
with you to process through it?
·
Do
you find yourself feeling hurt or frustrated that he never surprises you with a
date that he has arranged & planned (reserving a babysitter, picking the
activity or restaurant, etc.)
·
Are
you bitter about him answering his cell phone when the 2 of you are in the
middle of a conversation instead of prioritizing your conversation over the one
with the person calling? Do you wish he would answer & tell the person its
not a good time & ask if he can call them later or that he would not answer
it?
·
Do you
get upset/hurt that he doesn’t reach out & hold your hand or put his arm
around you when you’re in a group situation, just as a way of letting you know
he’s thinking about you or to make it known that he loves you in front of
others (P.D.A.)?
·
Are
you always the one who does ________ and you find yourself frustrated that he
doesn’t do it sometimes, too?
·
You
may find, in marriage, that he wants to come home & sit in front of the TV
for a while to relax, while you may wish he would come in and immediately want
to talk about how your day was.
·
Do
you get hurt/angry if he knows that you get upset as some point during the day
but then heads (home or goes to sleep) without bringing it up &
initiating/asking what was wrong & providing the opportunity to listen? Do
you expect/wish you wouldn’t have to be the one to ask him to talk through it
with you? Does he expect you to bring
up an issue you may be having, but maybe you expect/wish him to bring it up if he notices something is bothering you?
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