What has God taught me about parenting?
...so far
...so far
In no specific
order, I’ve learned…
1. I've learned ...the depth of my sin. Parenting is hard. It reveals my true colors. It has the
ability to bring out the best and worst in me. Children are, indeed, a
blessing; each child is, indeed, a blessing. For instance, I am blessed by
the way my 3rd and 4th and 5th children
have brought to light sin in me that my 1st and 2nd
children didn’t bring out. God is using them (my 3rd and 4th
and 5th children) to refine me even more. Right now my sin
seems clearer than ever before. Right now I seem to be more sinful than
ever before. I have not learned the art of relying on God every step of
the way. I struggle to remember in the most stressful moments (when I need
to rely on Him most) to call out to him and pray for help. I cling to Isaiah
40:11 “He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in
his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, & gently lead those that
are with young.
2. I've learned that
I need to have grace for my children just as God forgives us again and
again, and again, and again, and again. Parenting (dealing with
disciplinary issues) confronts my understanding of the gospel unlike any
other thing I’ve experienced. To analyze how to present the gospel to the
kids in a clear, easy, understandable way…and how to apply it in their
lives during correction/discipline, during refereeing, etc. has brought me
to a deeper understanding of the gospel.
3. I've learned about myself that I’m
a goal-oriented person. One time I took the opportunity to write a letter
to my children to read if I were to die. Then I wrote another letter that
they could read once they’re older regarding things I’d want to teach them
that are inappropriate for their young ages. This inspired me to think
through what my goals are for raising my children. I imagine it might be a
valuable exercise for any parent. In doing so, I am better able to think
of what I can do now to work toward those goals. For example, I want them
to be crystal clear about the fact they can not earn their salvation.
Being “good” and living a moral life doesn’t help them deserve heaven. So
my saying is, “We thank God by obeying Him” and I have that written inside
a cross. Also, we (*try to) interpret everything (including refereeing)
through the lens of the 2 greatest commandments: loving God & loving
others. Another example, when they sin in a particular way again &
again & again, we tell them that there are some things that no matter
how hard we try we just can’t keep from sinning, just like we can’t earn
heaven by trying hard enough…but we need a Savior, we need to pray &
ask God to help us stop sinning in that area, just like we need our Savior
in order to get to Heaven because we can’t get there on our own.
4. I've learned that
it’s possible to be selfish with my time even when I have so many little
ones and a house and a husband and family and friends and neighbors to
care for and keep me busy. Despite the busy-ness, I somehow find time/ways
to still be selfish with the use of my time.
5. I've learned I’ve
learned that one cannot judge a parent based on the child’s behavior, but
children’s actions, attitudes, disobedience, disrespect, etc. are because
of sin and not because of a lack of good parenting.
6. I've learned I’ve
learned to accept help. Each of us go through seasons in life (Eccl –
there’s a time & season in e’thing under heaven…) and I’m in one where
my plate is full. God did not intend for us to live isolated from the body
of Christ. He wants us to be unified, working together, laughing with
those who laugh, weeping with those who weep…. As a part of the body of
Christ, I may, in some seasons, be the hands, in another I might be the
appendix. J
7. I've learned that
parenting is full-time ministry. That children are worthy to be
prioritized and discipled. It is not only a legitimate ministry to be involved in, but a vital one - one
that is assigned to parents in Deut 6. Many people see parenting and
ministry as 2 separate things…and think moms have to be a part of a formal ministry at any given time
in their life, and they quote Proverbs 31. I am not at all convinced our
lives are intended to reflect every verse of P31 in every moment in every
season, but that each verse reflects different seasons throughout a godly
woman’s life. It’s an overview as if looking back over the whole life
span. I believe that when we love God we are always doing informal,
relational ministry (we are representing Christ when we show grace to
waiters, other drivers, etc. and we are loving/serving our neighbors,
friends, family, etc. & sharing the gospel when we have the
opportunity…). And parenting is an investment of our lives and time, 24/7,
where we get to walk & talk & lie down (Dt 6) while teaching about
God and living a life in response to the gospel. With our kids, it’s
discipleship in a more intimate and thorough way than we’ll ever get to do
for any other person we may disciple. And its worth it, even if it means
guarding our time and resisting some appealing opportunities for ministry
while in certain seasons of parenting.
8. I've learned that
humility is important. Titus 2 says younger women (implying those with
children at home) have the need to learn to love their children from older
women who have already raised their children. Another way to accept help
from the body of Christ is to let them help by giving you advice. This
requires humility. MANY may respond with judgment. MANY responses may be
hurtful. MANY won’t be able to relate and have had totally different
experiences with their kids. But God can use advice from others to help me
consider doing/saying things I haven’t thought to consider. God can use
others’ experiences to broaden my perspective, to challenge me, to
encourage me. Bottom line is: I don’t have all the answers. I didn’t write
the manual for how to raise my kid (or any of my kids, as they are all
unique). Parenting is a learning process, and even if it were possible to
“get it right” for 1 of my kids, it won’t help me with the rest of my kids
because each one is different and need different things from me (different
responses, different expression of affection, different interactions,
different approaches to correction - even if its only slight differences).
I will never have all the answers, even once mine are grown. I have to
completely rely on God’s grace. I pray with my kids, “God, thank you for
choosing ____ out of all the children in the world you could have chosen,
thank you for choosing ____ to be mine. And thank you that, out of all the
mommies in the world, you’ve chosen me to be _____’s mommy.” I think
that’s an important perspective for our children to have…& for us to
have. God chose me to parent my kids. He knows me, knows the decisions I will
make, knows how I will parent (is leading me in my parenting) and he knows
exactly what my kids need. Because he loves them, I know he’s picked me
for them for a reason & for their good. And I have to pray that
they’ll learn & grow in spite of my mistakes. I have to confess my
sins to them & set an example of repentance for them…
9. I've learned that I’m
challenged to resist thinking (or resist having parenting philosophies
that…) conform to (or follow) the patterns of this world (Rom 12) but
instead to lean not on my own understanding (Pr 3:5-8) & ask what God
would prefer…whether is how to educate our children, or how to approach
birth control, or family planning, or how to approach
correction/discipline, or how to (or whether to) involve our kids in
sports, …the list goes on & on. Instead of automatically falling into
the same pattern as everyone else, God has really had us stop and
prayerfully (& biblically) consider if these things are what God wants
us to do.
10. I've learned that
the things I want them to learn as they grow up (…learn to do…learn to
value…etc.) I need to exemplify. It’s not uncommon for me to think I value
something, but then I find that the way I spend my time and/or money
reveals values that are contrary. So what is my schedule & use of my
time/money teaching my kids to value?
11. And
I’ve learned that lessons are unfinished lessons. These things I’ve
learned will continue to be understood more deeply as time goes on, and my
perspective on these same 10 issues above will, I’m sure, be different in
a few years, even months. I'm a work in progress.
Philippians 1:6 "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
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