A Reflection on Prayer - In Time of Need

I had been told Tad had a heart attack, and they took him away to do an exploratory heart catheterization to see the extent of what was happening. 

In a moment alone (in a waiting room full of people, but...alone in the sense I wasn't talking to anyone at the moment), I began to cry out to the Lord, unable to say much more than His name. 

I know that God's Spirit, our Intercessor, interprets my tears; He understands the extent of my emotions sooner and more completely than I even can (Rom 8:26-28; Mt 6:8). Because of this, I can go to Him in prayer and just rest - rest and release the grief and fear in my heart - rest in the security of his companionship. Just being with Him, in this way, is a form of prayer.

I found myself acutely aware of God's omniscience and omnipotence, His sovereignty and foreknowledge, His eternity and eternal plan, His goodness and love...knowing He was in complete control over what was happening to Tad and that He was allowing it and that it was all part of God's plan. 

I also found myself remembering Job, knowing that God is the One with the control, that He might allow Satan to have his way for a while, but only to the extent that He allows it and only in the ways He allows it (Job 1:12). All these things brought me peace.

But while I had peace, there was also the grief and anxiety of not knowing whether God's plan was to extend Tad's life on earth or to take him to his eternal home. 

These words of Jesus came to mind, ‘"And he said, ‘Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will’” (Mark 14:36). 

So I thought... Even Jesus, 

who knew exactly what needed to happen 

and what was going to happen, 

He still expressed the desire of His heart 

to God ("Remove this cup from me"). 

Before (& while) submitting the will of His flesh to the will of His Father, EVEN JESUS expressed the desire of His heart to God, even though He knew that God already knew the desire of His heart. 

So I pleaded with God and put to words the desires of my heart, knowing that for Tad to be taken home would be the greatest blessing for Tad. 

I shared my desires with God, even though I knew the desires of my heart are both loving and selfish, pure and fearful (Jer 17:9). But He who created me understands me and knows me inside & out (Ps 139). In my vulnerability and desperation, I know I can freely and openly share my whole heart (the good, the bad & the ugly) with God who knows me completely and loves me anyway. Hebrews 4:16 says, "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."