My Testimony

Acts 17:26-27 says, “…and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live…so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him….”  For me, that meant 1976, DePaul Hospital, at 1:27 a.m., born the daughter to a 27 year old dad finishing his OB-Gyn residency at DePaul, daughter to a 27 year old mom who had an unwavering faith in the Lord Jesus, and younger sister to Melanie who was 6 years older. From my perspective, God uses even specific details like these to impact who we become and how we come to know Him.

My grandfather was a Presbyterian minister who, along with my grandmother, raised my mom to know God and believe in Jesus Christ. Her firm faith and commitment to the church provided me an environment where I learned about God right from the start. We were a part of a very small Presbyterian church. It was there where I confessed my sin and need for a Savior and asked Christ to come into my heart to live during Sunday school when I was very young. By God’s grace I do not remember a time when He has not been a part of my life. 

Initially, I learned that God created everything, loved me and sent His Son to die for my sin…and I believed it and was thankful. Later, during the course of my parents’ divorce, I learned that God is my heavenly Father who loves me like a daughter.  I had an earthly Father – one with whom I did not have the kind of intimate relationship I longed for, but in God I had a Daddy.  I found respite in Him then, as I did during the difficult middle school years that followed.

My mom talked me into switching schools, so I began attending Norfolk Christian in the 7^th grade.  In my heart I was drawn to the testimonies and speeches I heard during Chapel and at church on Sundays.  My faith was unwavering and I loved learning about the Lord from others, but still found it difficult to learn from Him on my own.  I struggled with spending time regularly in the Word.  I became distracted by my social life.  I desired to have a spiritual bond with the boyfriend I had my senior year of high school through my freshman year of college, but God wasn’t the center of that relationship or of my life at that point.  God was my companion, always with me, but I kept Him in my pocket.  I had not yet submitted control of my life to God.  He didn’t define my identity or shape my perspective or determine my goals in life.  He was not yet my reason for living.  He wasn’t my All-in-All. 

Changing me didn’t happen overnight.  God used a heartbreak, my Dad’s 2^nd divorce, a Chrysalis weekend retreat, my mom’s 2^nd marriage, temporary disowning by 2 family members because of faith-based decisions, my move to Blacksburg for my 3^rd & 4^th years of college, participation in Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) at VA Tech, my God-loving friends and a new church… to do it. I surrounded myself with Christian fellowship and continued to make myself go to FCA until the Christian fellowship became close, personal friends.  I thrived on the messages of the FCA speakers, the retreats, my new pastor, the fellowship, the Bible studies….  And through all of that God ignited a fire & passion in me to strive to live for Him and keep Him as my first love for the rest of my life. When I was young, my life was impacted by the intimacy and faithfulness of God’s love, but during college, I was impacted by the gospel of grace. My life had been bought with the high price of innocent blood, voluntarily. I was compelled to give Him my life in return, to live for Him in gratitude. In addition to the security and love He had given me as a child, I then learned He had given my life meaning and purpose.  I clung to the verse, “My life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus, the work of telling others the Good News about God’s wonderful kindness and love” (Acts 20:24).  As a child I had invited God into my heart; now I had given Him my heart.  He saved me from death, so I gave him my life.  My identity, perspective and purpose were found in Him. 

The transition between keeping God in a compartmentalized box and living for Him was the turning point in my life, but my testimony of the ways I have experienced God does not stop there.  He is a personal God who wants an intimate, committed relationship with His children, and life with Him has been an incredible journey - rich, full, blessed by God’s grace and provision, challenging yet valuable.  No matter how hard I hold on to my worldly affections or how often I fall into sin, He is there to convict me and gently, graciously restore me (Ps 23:3; 51:12). No matter how I waver in my consistency in spending time with Him and seeking Him…His love, grace and commitment never wavers and He is always there to be found (Jeremiah 29:13-14).  My perspective on my life is this:

              “Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the
              Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager
              expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage
              now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death.
              For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means
              fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell.  I am hard pressed
              between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.
              But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this,
              I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in
              the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus…”
              (Philippians 1:18b-26a).